Managing Challenging Behaviors in Children
A Calm and Consistent Approach to Challenging Behavior
By Yogi Patel, Positive Discipline Trainer, Montessori Educator - yogipateltte.com
Raising or working with children brings joy, connection, and learning, but also times of frustration, confusion, and challenge. When behaviors become difficult, it’s easy to fall into reactive patterns. Yet, Positive Discipline reminds us that those very moments are invitations: opportunities to model emotional regulation, teach life skills, and deepen trust.
Behavior is communication. Children aren’t acting out to cause stress; they’re showing us where support or skill-building is needed.
Step 1: Pause and Breathe
Before addressing a child’s behavior, take a moment to breathe and settle yourself. This pause helps move from reaction to thoughtful response. Children are more likely to stay regulated when the adult is calm and grounded.
A calm presence doesn’t just influence the tone of the moment—it supports the child’s developing nervous system.
Step 2: Avoid Catastrophizing
It’s easy to imagine worst-case scenarios when behavior challenges take place. Instead of assuming the future and the most terrible adult they might become, focus on the present and the child’s feelings and what they are feeling about themselves, and you. A child who struggles with listening, impulse control, or transitions is likely still learning. These developmental processes take time and support, and we must build the skills to help them understand the socially accepted behavior.
Step 3: Shift Toward Solutions
Ask:
What might be happening underneath this behavior?
What skill does this child need more time and support to develop?
By focusing on the need behind the behavior, adults can shift into problem-solving and long-term teaching. This is one of the foundations of Positive Discipline: connection before correction.
Step 4: Normalize Mistakes
All children make mistakes, and so do adults. Mistakes are a natural part of growth and learning, not signs of failure. Children need room to try, stumble, and try again. When mistakes are treated as opportunities instead of shameful and hurtful moments, confidence and resilience follow.
Step 5: Stay Calm and Connected
Children watch and absorb more than we realize. When adults speak calmly, hold boundaries respectfully, and show empathy, they’re modeling the very behaviors they hope to teach. Reacting with patience helps children feel safe enough to listen and reflect.
Avoid These Common Reactions
Jumping to extreme conclusions about what a behavior means.
Shaming or blaming a child for what may be age-appropriate struggles.
Allowing personal frustration to drive the response, rather than thoughtful guidance.
Practical Support Tools
Use grounding techniques like slow breathing or quiet repetition (“I can stay calm”) before responding.
Keep communication open. Ask questions that show interest in the child’s thoughts and feelings.
Contact experienced caregivers, professionals, or Positive Discipline educators for support. Every child is different, and collaboration builds strength.
Why Consistency Matters
Children thrive in predictable environments. When routines and boundaries are clear and steady, children feel safer. Regular bedtime routines, consistent expectations, and respectful follow-through support emotional security and cooperation.
Reconnect After the Conflict
Once things have settled, take a moment to rebuild the connection. Even a short conversation, “That was hard. I’m here, and I care about you,” can repair emotional safety. These moments teach children that relationships can bend and heal, and that connection lasts through conflict.
Watch the full conversation with Kelly Pfeiffer and Yogi Patel on YouTube:
Learn more about Positive Discipline tools, workshops, and parenting support:
Visit www.yogipateltte.com
Follow for more insights:
