Supporting Anxiety in Parents and Children
Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and sometimes, anxiety. It's crucial to look beyond surface behaviors and recognize the underlying issues that contribute to anxiety in both children and their parents. As renowned psychologist Dr. Daniel Siegel once said, "Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows." By focusing our attention on understanding and supporting parental anxiety, we can create positive change for the entire family.
Anxious children often have anxious parents, and this relationship is more complex than it may seem at first glance. Anxiety is not just an individual experience but an interpersonal interaction. When we educate parents about this dynamic, we empower them to break the cycle. For instance, a parent who understands that their own anxious responses can amplify their child's anxiety is better equipped to manage their reactions. This knowledge removes shame and judgment, allowing parents to approach their anxiety with compassion and curiosity.
It's important to recognize that many anxious children have a sensitive temperament. This innate characteristic can make them more prone to anxiety, but it doesn't mean parents are to blame. As Dr. Elaine Aron, author of "The Highly Sensitive Child," points out, "The sensitive child is not weak; rather, he or she is strong in a unique way." By acknowledging parental struggles and validating their feelings, we encourage self-compassion and self-awareness. This might involve a parent recognizing their own anxiety triggers and working on managing them separately from their child's needs.
Creating a plan to reduce accommodations for anxious children is a crucial step in managing parental anxiety. This doesn't mean abruptly removing all support, but rather gradually encouraging independence. For example, a parent might start by having their child order their own meal at a restaurant instead of speaking for them. It's essential to develop strategies for managing changes and shifts in behavior, addressing worst-case scenarios, and incorporating self-care. As the saying goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup." Parents need to prioritize their own well-being to effectively support their children.
Recognizing personal anxiety is a vital skill for parents. This involves identifying both the cognitive and physical components of anxiety. A parent might notice racing thoughts about their child's safety or feel a tightness in their chest when their child faces a challenge. By tuning into these sensations and thoughts, parents can better understand how anxiety impacts their daily life and parenting decisions. Seeking support from a therapist, joining a support group, or confiding in trusted friends can provide valuable perspectives and coping strategies.
It's crucial to remember that anxiety can present itself in various ways. Sometimes, it masquerades as anger, sadness, or distractibility says, Julianne Reilly, LCSW. A child who seems constantly angry or a parent who feels overwhelmed and sad might actually be grappling with underlying anxiety. This is particularly important when considering conditions like ADHD, which can sometimes be confused with or exacerbated by anxiety. As psychologist Dr. Ross Greene advises, "Kids do well if they can." By digging beneath surface behaviors, we can address the root issues and provide more effective support.
Understanding and supporting parental anxiety in children requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to look deeper. By recognizing the interplay between parent and child anxiety, reducing accommodations thoughtfully, and addressing our own anxious responses, we can create a more peaceful and supportive family environment. Remember, as author Brené Brown wisely states, "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." In supporting anxious parents and children, we're helping them write a braver, more resilient story for their lives.
This article is based on a podcast interview with Julianne Reilly, LCSW.
