Supporting Anxiety in Parents and Children
Parenting is a journey filled with happiness, challenges, and sometimes anxiety. The key is to look beyond the most evident behavior and at the underlying circumstances that foster anxiety in both children and their parents. Psychologist Dr. Daniel Siegel said, "Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows." Therefore, if we focus on understanding and supporting parental anxiety, we can create positive change for the whole family.
Often, anxious children have anxious parents, and this relationship is more complicated than it may seem on the surface. Anxiety is not a strictly individual experience; it is, to some extent, an interpersonal interaction. Educating parents about this can empower them to break the cycle. For example, if a parent recognizes that their own anxious reaction can increase their child's anxiety, the parent may learn the ability to regulate or change their reactive behavior. With that information, parents can begin to shed the associated shame and judgments and thus can start looking at their anxiety from a good place: with compassion and curiosity.
Temperament has to be considered here because most children who experience anxiety have a sensitive temperament. This is a natural selection, making them more anxious, and yet, caution should be practiced against holding parents accountable for this drift. Said Dr. Elaine Aron, author of "The Highly Sensitive Child": "The sensitive child is not weak; rather, he or she is strong in a unique way." Step away from this acknowledgment of parental struggle; likewise, validating their feelings encourages self-compassion and self-awareness. This could include
In the early stages of managing parental anxiety stands the formation of a plan to decrease accommodations for anxious children. It should not be interpreted as an abrupt withdrawal of all help but instead as a slow fostering of independence. For example, instead of ordering food for their children, parents may encourage kids to place their own order. It is important to create plans for periods of change and shifts in behavior, worst-case scenarios, and self-care. You cannot pour from an empty cup; therefore, parents need to look after themselves so that they may genuinely look after others.
Recognizing one's anxiety is an important skill for parents. It entails observing the cognitive and somatic constituents of anxiety. When a child struggles, there may be racing thoughts about a child's safety or a tightness in the chest. Parents can learn how anxiety plays a role in their lives and their parenting decisions. Getting support from a therapist or support group, or talking to trusted friends, is all helpful in gaining perspective and coping mechanisms.
Anxiety manifests in many peculiar ways. A child may seem angry; a parent may feel overwhelmed and sad, and anxiety may be hiding underneath all these feelings," explains Julianne Reilly, LCSW. This distinction is sometimes important when considering that conditions such as ADHD may sometimes be confused with or induced by anxiety. "Kids do well if they can," encourages Dr. Ross Greene. The sooner we peel away the layers and work right into the core of behaviors, the sooner we offer those kids some real help.
Understanding and supporting parental anxiety in children calls for compassion, patience, and a willingness to look beneath surface behavior. Parents and children often share anxieties; discerning this interaction allows conscientious reduction of accommodations and prevention of further anxiety-producing parental reactions, enhancing life for all. Remember Brené Brown's words so eloquently: "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." Support for anxious parents and children means preparing a brave and resilient new story for their lives.
This article was adapted from a podcast interview with Julianne Reilly, LCSW.
Positive Discipline for Parents and Positive Discipline for Parents
